I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
