I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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