Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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