When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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