Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
should my penis look like a turkey
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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