It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
