i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
