RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Randomize
