Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I forget how to act sober
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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