i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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