YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
