Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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