I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
