oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
