and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
