Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
