Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize