So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
