Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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