my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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