Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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