in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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