you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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