Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If its not for food we ain't going out.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize