Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
you would pick up someone in the library
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
