I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
