Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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