He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
