it hurts more in the daytime
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
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