remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Randomize
