She is in my trunk
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
you made out with another girl for some wings
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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