You made me cry and you don't even care
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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