You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Randomize
