Fuck appropriateness.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
