it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
