i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize