I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
