if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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