I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
