So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
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