you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Randomize
