I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
