my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
