Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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