I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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