some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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