Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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