when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
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