ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
