I accidentally burped into my bong.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
