ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Randomize
