hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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