We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
bring money and cleavage
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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