Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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