Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
