Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.

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(804): View more from Virginia

my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.

(1-804): View more from Virginia

I'm on my way.

Fav 28 7553 1281
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(401): View more from Rhode Island

just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.

Fav 4 2995 1243
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(325): View more from Texas

I fcuked ip.

(214): View more from Texas

Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?

Fav 2 1728 856
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(647): View more from Ontario

well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer

Fav 3 1445 771
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(319): View more from Iowa

So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party

Fav 8 1397 739
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(304): View more from West Virginia

You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.

Fav 17 821 1194
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(253): View more from Washington

I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.

Fav 2 446 263
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(330): View more from Ohio

it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body

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