Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hippo gnu deer
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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