i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
