I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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