apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize