the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
