i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
