I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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