We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
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