im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
foreskin is a definite game changer
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
