Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
