Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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