i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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