Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
