Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
