I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I bet he comes in French.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
