If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
