you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Randomize
