Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
