She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
