Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I yelled at your uterus for you.
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