wake up i wanna do it froggy style
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
