I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
no more duck duck goose at the bar
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
