Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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